It’s been a few good years since Madonna was relevant. I’d say the last time she was making headlines was when she made out with Britney at the VMA’a pre-Britney losing her mind. The only things you’ve heard about her recently is that her daughter (who finally got her eyebrows waxed!) Lourdes has a really cute collection at Macy’s called Material Girl (that makes me wish I was 16 again and forty pounds thinner so I could wear it).
I think Madonna may have caught the losing-her-mind bug. First of all, why are we referring to her once again as Madonna? I thought she officially changed her name to Madge and picked up an English accent. You may have heard that she’s being featured in the Superbowl halftime show. I was not excited when I heard this, but at least ambivalent about hearing her new song if she managed to score the halftime show. Well today, I heard her new song with MIA and Nicki Minaj called “Give Me All Your Luvin”, and unfortunately I heard it twice. It is so bad that it is actually offensive to your ears. It sounds like something straight from the Mickey Mouse club circa 1993. There are like little cheerleader chants spelling out L-U-V and Y-O-U and the only think you can think is, “Are you serious?” I don’t know who lied to her and told her it sounded good, and I don’t know what team put her album together, but I hope this is career ruining- because anyone who had a part in putting this crap out into the universe in 2012 with the likes of Adele and Lady Gaga who are actually really talented and really catchy …… should catch a severe doubt of diarrhea or something very unpleasant. This song makes me have to go out of the way to change the radio station in my car which rarely happens. The only artist I can think of that makes me do that is whiny, unattractive, spiky tooth Avril Lavigne who is also terrible.
If you need to listen to it, for a reference point, here it is, and I’m sorry.
This new song is dismal, it makes me depressed. Madonna had some great songs back before she turned into a modern day crypt keeper. Maybe it’s the lack of fats in her diet that are affecting her judgement. I’ll admit, the song is catchy, but it’s catchy in a BAD way. Right now I have “L U V Madonna! Y O U you wanna!” stuck in my head and I don’t want it. If she sings this at the Superbowl I hope she gets booed. I can’t imagine anyone singing this stupid la-dee-da Barney era song in front of millions of hardcore football fans. Newsflash Madonna: that whole auto-tune shit is annoying. Also- what the hell is the background music? It sounds exactly like this little mini Muppet green keyboard I had as a kid- and that is not something you pair with a famous reputation like Madonna had and is ruining.
This superbowl gig must not pay very well or something. Wouldn’t you want someone awesomely talented and relevant to play….. like maybe Gaga? I’m pretty sure even rowdy football jerks love Gaga. P-P-p-p-pokerface p-p-p-okerface. Should I be the commissoner of the NFL and be making these decisions? I think so.
Madonna- more nudity and edginess and cone-bras, less middle school talent. Kthanks.
PS- Oh, I forgot. Nicki Minaj on this song is actually not bad. It might even be entertaining if you just dropped out the whole rest of the song. I’m not sure where MIA plays a part in this mess because I admittedly could not listen to the whole song, but I can’t believe she’s even involved because I loved loved loved Paper Planes in college. I’m listening to it now. POW POW POW POW cha-ching. To get to Nicki Minaj’s part in that Madonna mess, forward to 2:18 in that youtube video. Someone needs to remix this stupid song and just exclude Madonna altogether.
Tagged: adele, auto-tune, avril lavigne, concerts, entertainment, give me all your luvin, godawful music, lady gaga, life, M.I.A, madonna, muppets, music, music videos, musings, nicki minaj, paper planes, superbowl, superbowl halftime show
